Don't Think I Don't Think About It
by The Teal Dragon
Summary: This is about Chet Hunter's point of view, had Shawn chosen to stay with Jonathan Turner. Oneshot based on Darius Rucker's song "Don't Think I Don't Think About It".


Don't Think I Don't Think About It

Disclaimer: I do not own Boy Meets World or any of the characters; nor do I own the song "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" by Darius Rucker.

A/N: Hello, fellow Boy Meets World fans! This is a short songfic, written as a thought from Chet Hunter's point of view on his relationship with his son Shawn Hunter. This is based upon what his mindset would probably be, had Shawn chosen to stay with Jonathan Turner. Please Read and Review! Constructive Criticism is more than welcome! (Also, I noticed that Chet Hunter doesn't come up on the character list. What's up with that? Makes it hard to read and post things about him.)

"You can drink too much and forget the night before, but I've learned that you can never drink enough to forget the people you've loved and lost."

-Beau Taplin

I left out in a cloud of headlights and dust.

I swore I wasn't coming back

I said I'd had enough.

Chet Hunter knocked over two trash cans driving out of the Matthews' driveway. When he turned around to yell, "It's okay, I'm alright!", he caught a glimpse of his son staring forlornly at the retreating truck.

Saw you in the rearview mirror

Fading from my life.

The pain in his youngest child's features was all too familiar to Chet. But he did everything in his power to wipe it out of his consciousness.

But I wasn't turning around.

No, not this time.

It was the last time he would see his son in person for another two years.

But don't think I don't think about it.

Don't think I don't have regrets.

Don't think it don't get to me

between the work and the hurt and the whiskey.

Chet knew that Shawn was going to struggle with this, despite all the previous experience with his father or "mother" walking out on him for days to weeks on end. Every time this happened, Shawn's pain would show in the eyes that followed his dad's car down the road. And every time, Chet handled the emotion rising in his heart by immediately quenching it. And if that didn't work, the alcohol did the trick.

Shawn learned from his dad. He handled problems the same way, by pretending that they didn't exist.

Don't think I don't wonder about

Could it have been,

should it have been,

all worked out?

It was on the long drunken nights in seedy local bars that Chet had the most difficulty fighting of the memories of his son. He often thought about if he was just a better person in general, maybe he could've handled fatherhood properly. He fantasized about coming over to the Matthews' house and taking Shawn back to a proper house that was paid for with the money saved from a steady job that he earned by staying sober and being responsible.

But deep down in his heart he knew that the fantasy was just that- a fantasy. A dream that could never come true.

I know what I felt and I know what I said.

But don't think I don't think about it.

Chet knew that the decision he made was the only option he had. He couldn't screw up this kid's life any more than he already had. He just hoped that the damage already inflicted hadn't caused any irreversible damage. The only decent choice he ever made for his son was also the hardest to live with.

When we make choices

We gotta live with them.

Heard you found a real good man and you stayed with him.*

When he had left Shawn behind at the Matthews', he couldn't face up to his shame and call him back. Shawn was used to this treatment, he reasoned. Surely it couldn't hurt that bad anymore. Three weeks and countless empty bottles of whiskey later, he found the courage to call the Matthews' house phone. At first, they didn't answer, but when they heard his voice on the machine, they snatched that phone up real quick. They told him that Shawn was struggling, and that they couldn't manage to keep Shawn forever.

Chet knew that Shawn was hidden somewhere where he could hear everything the adults were saying. He felt the pain that his son must have felt knowing that nobody wanted him.

He heard the shouting over the phone a minute later.

"None of you want me. Well that's fine! I don't need any of you! I never needed anybody!"

He knew it was a lie. He knew that once upon a time, his son had needed his daddy. He probably still did. And his daddy just didn't want him. At least, that was what anybody but Chet would think.

Ten minutes later, just as he was living the restaurant, the phone rang. The waitress picked it up and with a look of annoyance, handed Chet the phone.

It was Jonathan Turner.

He asked for permission for Shawn to stay with him, "just until you come back."

A year of confusion and pain later, Chet sent Jon the guardianship papers. Almost two years of heartbreak later, he showed up at the courtroom drunk while the judge made Shawn's adoption official.

That was the hardest day of Chet's life.

I wonder if sometimes

I cross your mind.

Shawn was happy. Even through the alcohol induced haze, Chet could see that. He had come to love and trust and depend on Jonathan, and Jonathan had come to love this boy more than he could ever have imagined loving anyone.

Jon loved Shawn like a son.

If love was the equivalent of pain, Chet Hunter was happy for them.

Where would we be today if I never drove that car away?

He often wondered if he could have forced himself to get over his commitment issues and parenting flaws, if he had just tried hard enough. Maybe then Shawn would still be his son.

Don't think I don't think about it

Don't think I don't have regrets.

Don't think it don't get to me

between the work and the hurt and the whiskey.

Maybe then he could've got sober.

Don't think I don't have regrets.

Don't think it don't get to me

between the work and the hurt and the whiskey.

Maybe then he could be happy.

Don't think I don't wonder about

Could it have been,

should it have been,

all worked out?

Maybe then he could've given Shawn what he deserved.

I know what I felt and I know what I said.

But don't think I don't think about it.

Maybe then he wouldn't be in so much pain.

Don't think I don't think about it.

Don't think I don't have regrets.

Don't think you don't get to me

between the work and the hurt and the whiskey.

Maybe he could have.

Maybe he would have just made everything worse.

Don't think I don't wonder about

Could it have been,

should it have been,

all worked out?

He knew that Shawn would struggle with his decision.

He also knew it was the right one.

I know what I felt and I know what I said.

But don't think I don't think about it.

He just hoped Shawn would one day understand.

No… Don't think I don't think about it…

A/N: Alrighty, people. How was that? Let me know in a Review! Thanks for Reading!

*lyrics changed from "you married him" to "you stayed with him". I think that breakup songs work for a variety of pairings, not just romantic, but sometimes there's that one pesky word or phrase to change.


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